The first-ever living turd to be elected to the US House of Representatives, Chet (@ChetTheTurd), is not wasting any time making waves. He has proposed a 70 percent tax on the rich (income earners above $250,000) in order to pay for gold-plated sewers across the country.

“We have some pretty wasteful spending in Washington. Well, I can top that! I want to throw your money down the sewer!” Chet declared apologetically. “Literally!”

“Our infrastructure is sh*tty! No offense to my cousins,” Chet said in an press conference Tuesday before eating a fly buzzing around the podium. “The turds among us deserve better. That’s why I’m proposing that we line all sewers in the United States with gold.”

“Sure, it’s going to require a lot of rapid change that we don’t even conceive as possible right now. We’re going to have to invent some stuff that hasn’t even been invented yet!”

Analysts are skeptical of the plan, saying that it would cost over $200 trillion. But that isn’t stopping Chet and his supporters.

“Soak the rich man!” Chet said. “They have so much. Just take it from them! They produce more crap than anyone so they should pay to treat us turds humanely.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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