COVID-positive Barack Obama will social distance from Michelle for another 4 years

MARTHA’S VINEYARD– After testing positive for COVID-19, former President Barack Obama says he will continue to social distance from Michelle, just as he has done for the last 4 years.

“We, as good Americans, were cautioned about the possibility that one day a hostile virus would invade and it was then that Michelle and I decided to take precautions. We have practiced good social distancing procedures since I left the Oval Office. To no ones surprise except maybe Hillary’s, upon doing so, a dastardly virus assumed the presidency.

“Michelle and I both have had several ‘caregivers’ that assist us in maintaining a healthy separation of at least a 6 foot, although I myself prefer New Jersey,” Obama said.

The president also said he will continue to quarantine on the couch in the downstairs family room which is the only place he can get away with occasionally catching FOX when he wants to find out what is really going on with the Ukraine and that crazy moron. We believe he may have been referring to Biden, not Putin but our reporter wasn’t 100% sure.