WASHINGTON, DC—In the face of crashing stock markets and skyrocketing inflation, Democrats have promised to kill more babies, outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said.

“I understand that some people may think it’s a difficult economic environment for their families, but Democrats are working very hard to make sure you can kill your babies,” Psaki said.

Stocks plummeted more than any other day since the 2020 COVID scare yesterday, the trade deficit skyrocketed to all-time highs, real GDP decreased for the first time since 2020. But Democrats have promised to fix all that by ensuring more babies will die.

“First of all, the economy is doing great and if you’re struggling then you should not be so poor,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said. “But furthermore, you should feel confident that Democrats including President Biden will fix all our problems by killing babies.”

It’s unclear how killing innocent babies will fix the economy, but they are experts, so we should trust them.

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