Democrats warn that House Speaker who hasn’t made millions on insider trading is threat to democracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking twist, Democrats are making waves on Capitol Hill as they announce new criteria for selecting the Speaker of the House. Aspiring candidates are now being warned: if you haven’t made millions on insider trading, you may be considered a threat to democracy.
The audacious move has left many scratching their heads, while others are eyeing their investment portfolios with newfound purpose.
This revelation comes at a time when ethics and transparency are under scrutiny in politics. However, the Democrats appear to have a different perspective.
“When we think of the most successful Speakers of the House, we think of those who have been one step ahead in the financial markets,” says another insider. “Why waste time worrying about conflicts of interest when we can just redefine what constitutes a ‘conflict’?”
The move has sparked controversy, with critics calling it a shameless endorsement of financial misconduct.
“It’s essentially sending a message that corruption is not only acceptable but encouraged,” says one disgruntled constituent. “I thought we were supposed to be cleaning up politics, not setting up a stock exchange.”
Political analysts are now eagerly awaiting the first candidate to declare their candidacy, potentially with a lengthy list of lucrative insider trading endeavors. As for the rest of us, it seems the bar for political success has been set at an all-time high — or low, depending on how you look at it.
In the midst of these bizarre developments, all eyes are on Washington, wondering if the Speaker of the House’s next role will be that of a financial wizard rather than a public servant. Only time will tell if democracy and insider trading can truly coexist under one gavel.
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