WASHINGTON, DC—The President* Biden Department of Justice has officially changed its name to the US Department of Just Us, according to Attorney General Merrick Garland. The move carves into stone that the department will only protect the Deep State, formally acknowledging what everyone already knew.

“I’m happy to announce that the Department of Justice will be changing its name to the Department of Just Us, which sounds very similar,” Garland said. “Every time people say Department of Just Us, they are acknowledging who we serve, and it’s certainly not the American people.”

The change follows closely on revelations that the main goal of the FBI is to intimidate political opponents like Donald Trump and to set up innocent American citizens as domestic terrorists.

“This is very liberating for us as a department,” Garland said. “To not have to worry about the truth getting out allows us to simply do our job, which is to protect the corrupt, shady members of the Deep State.”

Garland said that they considered changing the name to the Department of Jokes, but was afraid that the American people wouldn’t understand that the joke was on them.

“This is a much clearer way to demonstrate that the American people are the enemy,” Garland said.

_{Originally published July 20, 2021.}

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