Retired NBA star Dwayne Wade remembers exactly what his 12-year-old son said when he came out as transpecies.
“We was watching Jurassic World together as a family, and—I don’t know if everyone knows this, but our son was born a boy and originally named Zion—he stood up and said, ‘Yo, peeps, I want to break it down for you guys. I’m ready to live my truth, for me, personally,” Wade told transvestite TV talkshow host, Ellen DeGenerate. “And I want to be referenced as Shamob Ougigoth the Pterodactyl.”
Wade also remembers what he said in response.
“I looked at him—er, it—and said, ‘I clearly have no idea what I’m doing as a parent, so it’s really up to you how you live your life, so whatever you want,” Wade said on Tuesday’s episode of “Degenerates Among Us”. “And, that’s kinda tough because he’s—er, it’s—only a 12-year-old pterodactyl, so it doesn’t have legal rights yet, but we’re of age, so we can do what he—er, it—wants for him—it.”
Upon hearing the story, the crowd gave Wade a standing ovation.
“I was so proud of Ouigigoth when I took him up to a high treetop and let him jump off with just his pterodactyl arms to keep him up. He broke every bone in him body but, hey, he was being true to himself!” Wade said.
Since the airing of the show, the Wades have released a video of Shamob Ougigoth soaring thousands of feet above the Miami Zoo and feeding on the carcasses of iguanas and springboks.
“What is the point of being on this planet if you tryna be sumpin you not,” Shamob is heard screeching in the video. “Just be who you were made to be—even if that means taking drugs to alter your physiological and psychological person and have a surgery to completely reconstruct the body you were actually given naturally. Duh.”
Wade has been championed around the media for being such a good role model. “I’ve watched my son blossom into who it’s become and it’s beautiful,” he said on the “Up In Smoke” podcast, which is apparently dedicated to discussions about shooting heroin into your eyeballs.
“Nothing’s changed for me, except I need to give my dogs some protective armor is all. Plus I need to learn how to speak Pterodactylian.”