Elizabeth Warren having been proven to be 50 percent Cherokee and 50 percent middle school librarian, has made a bold move today. Not doing as well as she would like in recent polls she has embarked on a daunting task; starting a new political party never before seen in American politics, The Native American Party.
She is said to have been mulling this over for quite some time. Her latest attempt, The Elizabeth Warren Boston Tea Party, seemed anachronistic, a been-there-done-that kinda thing and surprisingly enough went nowhere.
Cherokee tribal leader, Chief Wewere Screwed Bigtime, was incensed. “This broad is about as Native American as baseball. Her cheekbones are high because she lies and grins at the same time. If she goes all the way with this crap, we’ll go on the warpath and hope we do better this time.”
GT’s crack investigative team has looked into Warren’s background and found more interesting ancestral ties. It appears that Warren is a direct product of George Armstrong Custer and Calamity Jane’s brief but productive hookup at Little Big Horn. This may explain her genetic results of 1/1024th Native American and 99/100th Native American Indian Killer.
Warren’s closest Native American relative, Princess Runningcrotch, relates to GT that she and ‘Lizzy’ killed hundreds of buffalo when they were young. “Lizzy was really great at running them down, jumping on their backs and sticking ’em with those things that the Bullfighters use. We had so much fun. I guess she had to stop when she joined PETA, but if you can keep a secret, we still have a sacred hunting ground where we go on weekends and make our own Rocky Mountain Oysters. This weekend we’re gonna make our special cow paddy soup, one of Lizzy’s favorites.”