AOC: ‘Why can’t a ‘brokend’ convention be fixed?

Genesius Times has spent considerable resources recently on gaining more insight into exactly where Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was educated as many of her visions for the future have been right on target offering flawless glimpses of 21st century America.

A graduate of the ultra-gifted VPK program in the heart of Bronx NY, we were able to obtain several of her finger paintings and crayon creations, most still hanging at her preschool and some on loan to MOMA and the Louvre. Many of her oeuvres depicted more than one sun, and one in particular had over 100 suns with Earth as a blackened speck. Interestingly enough, most of her crayon collection was in varied shades of green.

Her Middle and High School records were revealing as well. As she spent most of her time studying Quantum Mechanics and Astrophysics she had little time for much else. As we all know, in middle school she invented string theory, authored many peer reviewed papers on quantum computing, and confirmed both Pythagoras’s and Aristotle’s theory the Earth was indeed round. For this she won a Nobel Prize in Smartness.

Of course she was a superstar at Harvard and Oxford and the first Rhodes Scholar to speak in tongues. Having become bored with all the sciences and mathematics she moved on to study the English language in depth. As a matter of record, she has authored several position papers. Her first, “Misdemeanors are Felonies,” followed by “Code Switching” defined as changing your accent depending on your audience. Her lecture series “Unemployment is Low Because Everyone Has Two Jobs” is sold out. And her latest research paper entitled “We need to get rid of I.C.E. but where would all the water go?” If AOC is not re-elected she has been offered to Chair the English Dept. at Columbia. We wish her well.