First biological cheetah who identifies as a woman set to take gold at Tokyo Olympics

TOKYO—The first ever biological cheetah who identifies as a woman is set to take gold at the Tokyo Olympics next week for Lichtenstein.

The runner, who goes by the name Rita, has smashed all European sprinting records and is poised to win Olympic gold in record fashion.

Some have raised concerns about the first ever trans-human competing in the games after Rita mauled several of her opponents in the Commonwealth games earlier this year, but the Lichtenstein Olympic Committee Chair says that those problems are behind him.

“Rita is just one of a kind. I’ve never thought I would see a woman run at nearly 60 miles an hour. Sure, she’s had her ups and downs as a sprinter, but she deserves this chance to become the fastest woman alive,” LOC Chair Fritz Bernhardt said.

Rita will likely be the favorite in the competition, while just two years ago, she was relaxing on the African savannah, eyeing delicious zebra meat.

“It’s been an amazing journey. One that will go down in history,” Bernhardt said.

“People say, that cheetah is a cheater,” Rita said through a translator in his first press conference before the Olympics. “I get it. Very punny. But I’ve worked just as hard as anyone out here and I don’t have any biological advantage over these other women, so people need to stop with the hate.”

Lichtenstein has never received any medal during the Summer Olympics. Rita’s would be the first.

Rita’s cousin Coco is also poised to take gold for the men’s team.


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