The shaving products company, Gillette, has released a serious advertisement criticizing toxic masculinity and is expanding the campaign to their other marketing avenues including their football stadium in Foxborough, Massachusetts.

“We will honor our contract with the stadium,” Gillette spokesman Phil Soyeaux said, “but we’re no longer going to be hosting football games there as football is a violent relic of toxic masculinity. Instead, we’re going to host massive Jane Austen book clubs.”

The AFC Championship game between the New England Patriots and Kansas City Chiefs will now be played at Arrowhead as a result of this major virtue signalling.

“Big barbarians running around, yelling, and flying into each other is not the best a man can get,” Soyeaux said. “We’re better than that!”

Many Patriots fans were caught off guard by the abrupt change.

“I was pahkin my cah in the cahpahk when I heard some chucklehead on the radio about how they’s no Pats game in Foxborough anymore. Instead they doing some sissy book club. They gotta be wicked nuts!”

Patriots season ticket holders will now be automatically enrolled in the recurring book club and receive a free manicure and a lifetime supply of pumpkin spice lattes.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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