God to isolate Earth from rest of Universe until after Spring Break

We are in the midst of a Pandemic. The worst Pandemic the world has ever endured. At least 120% of people will die a death so gruesome they would likely prefer a ‘Blood Eagle’, the specialty of Vikings about 1000 years ago.

This planet is soon to be taken over by insects, hippos and mutant unicorns. Why even the spaceships usually seen darting back and forth in our stratosphere have abandoned this lovely blue planet of ours. We kinda miss ’em, to be honest. Anyway…..

President Trump has already suggested that as many people as possible leave the planet. With his ‘America First’ program well in place, he has already put virtually every Boeing 737 max back in service to shuttle people back and forth between Earth and the Moon. Though most have already left, none have actually returned. Not that surprising, really. 737 max?

Poor Mother Earth has been infected. Who will take care of her? Well, our Lord and Savior has answered. As of midnight tonight, He (or She) has plans to bubble-wrap the Earth and is considering using those styrofoam peanuts you can buy at the UPS store too.

For how long you ask? We did ask and have received an ‘answer’. “UNTIL AFTER SPRING BREAK AND MAYBE ANOTHER WEEK OR TWO”. Since the Lord doesn’t lie, we are inclined to believe him or her. So? We should have a really nice late Spring and regular Summer. No people left, but the weather should improve. Saweeeeeeet.