WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden’s son Hunter promised to return his Russian mail-order brides amidst his father’s sanctions on the country.

“I will do my part to make sure Russia feels the pain,” Hunter, who obtained the mail-order brides in a deal involving several kilos of crack cocaine and an original “painting“.

The president announced the U.S. will expand sanctions on four of Russia’s largest bride factories, in addition to two grooming centers the U.S. sanctioned earlier this week, meaning “every mail-order bride will need to be returned,” he said.

President* Biden said that he would also give up sniffing young Russian girls.

“I don’t want to hear anyone complaining,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said. “I gave up Russian vodka for six minutes. If I can do that, Hunter can return his mail-order brides.”

NATO countries have increased sanctions on Russia following the military incursions by the country in Ukraine.

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