The Left is mourning the death of inventor and businessman David Koch, who invented such diabolical things as water pollution and human torture.

“I really am sad,” liberal progressive Jayden Smith said. “I mean, he was the excuse I used to blame every problem in my life on. Now who can I blame for my shitty existence?”

Koch will also be remembered for his part in founding the Nazi Party in Germany before he was born.

“Without him, there would literally not be anything bad in the world so I’m worried now,” self-proclaimed social justice warrior Flo Jackson said. “What if nothing improves and we have fewer people to blame?”

Others simply have shifted all the blame to Koch’s brother.

“We still have Charles Koch to blame,” Al Shackleton said. “And Trump. We still have hope!”

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts