Local Man Unsure Whether $4 Gas Justifies Voting for Completely Gay and Retarded Commies
A local resident expressed measured skepticism this week over whether an increase of approximately one dollar per gallon at the pump would be sufficient incentive to cast his ballot for candidates he described as “completely gay and retarded commies.”
Burt Hensley, 27, a forklift operator and longtime voter in the county’s moderate-to-conservative precincts, made the observation while filling his 2008 F-150 at a QuickStop on Route 12.
Gas had recently climbed to levels that, by his calculation, added roughly twelve dollars to a typical weekly fill-up.
“I’ve been thinking it over,” Hensley said, leaning against the pump.
“A buck more is noticeable. It adds up. But I don’t know if that automatically means I have to go all the way over to the completely gay and retarded commies. Feels like there might be some middle ground I’m missing.”
Hensley clarified that he was not ruling out the possibility entirely.
He noted that sustained high prices could eventually alter his calculus, particularly if grocery costs continued their parallel upward trajectory.
For the moment, however, he remained undecided.
Political observers in the area said Hensley’s hesitation reflected a broader pattern among voters who treat fuel prices as an important but not decisive variable.
Local party officials from both major coalitions declined to comment specifically on the “completely gay and retarded commies” framing, though one county chair observed that messaging continues to evolve.
Hensley finished pumping, paid in cash, and drove off.
He said he planned to monitor prices through the next several weeks before forming a firmer view.
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