Local woman devastated to learn pumpkin spice lattes don’t have any pumpkin in them


Having just drained her 743rd pumpkin spice latte (or PSL as she calls them), local woman was shaken to the core after learning that the beverages that she has come to depend on from August first through to Christmas season were not what she though.

“I honestly thought the pumpkin spice lattes had pumpkin in them and so they were healthy and that justified me drinking 18 a day,” Hayleigh Baysik of Springdale said. “And then someone just said straight up, ‘there’s no pumpkin in pumpkin spice lattes’.”

Baysik had lived completely on the drink for the past several months with a rare exception of a Panera soup every once in a while.

“I’ve been living a lie,” Baysik said. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same. It’s like when they told me Santa Claus doesn’t exist. It’s been really traumatic. I thought about getting rid of all my white puffy sleeveless jackets and rider boots and boycotting fall next year, but I don’t think I can do that.”

Many women throughout the country share in Baysik’s devastation.

“Next, you’re going to tell me that apple cider doesn’t have apples. What do you think I am, stupid?” Baylynn Jones of Featherview said.

Originally published December 22, 2020


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