Mayor De Blasio renames Manhattan to Womanhattan

NEW YORK CITY—Not to be outdone by the stunning and brave US Congress, which has eliminated all gendered terms in the House rules only to take a non-gendered word and make it gendered, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has renamed Manhattan Womanhattan.

“Yes, I know that Manhattan doesn’t have anything to do with masculinity or men or gender anything. I think it was a Native American tribe or whatever, but we cannot stand by idly while people shudder at the signs that say the sexist ‘Manhattan’ so we’re changing the name and it will be a felony to say the old name,” De Blasio said at a press conference.

The shift comes at an integral time in American history when many are suffering from the coronavirus lockdowns that have shuttered thousands if not millions of small businesses in New York City and across the country.

“We thought this is the time to push our psychotic gender theory on the world. If not now, then when?” De Blasio said.

Changing the borough signage will take several months and cost the cash-strapped city $17 billion.