WASHINGTON DC—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) on Tuesday blocked an attempt to give Americans more of their money.

“We will not be bullied into giving Americans more of their money. That money belongs to the Southeast asian fisheries and the Pakistani gender studies programs, not the Americans who are out of work due to government imposed lockdowns!” McConnell said.

The rejection came shortly after the state of South Dakota officially secedes from the union in order to receive more COVID relief.

“It takes a lot of gall to tell the Senate that you want Americans to receive taxpayer money. Clearly they don’t understand we’re controlled by the Chinese Communist Party now,” McConnell said.

McConnell said that he will promise to give more Americans their money if they drop the nonsensical demand for election integrity.

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