We all know that every white person is guilty of slavery and should pay each person of color $10,000 annually for the rest of their life. But what most people don’t realize is that black people are beneficiaries of slavery too and should pay reparations for their superior physical genes.

When African slavers selected healthy Africans from the continent, then sold only the most physically capable to whites, they were culturally selecting for an unfair physically superior population.

Only the strongest survived through the tough Atlantic Ocean voyage and through slavery. Only the most physically capable specimens lived through slavery and the result was bigger, stronger, and faster humans.

No one enslaved my Chinese ancestors, on the other hand, so we’re all short, and none of us are strong enough or physically capable to play professional sports—science experiments like Yao Ming being the rare exception.

Slavery also selected for good singers and dancers because so modern black entertainers are also beneficiaries.

Therefore, I’m demanding that all wealthy black Americans pay $10,000 to non-black people who didn’t have the benefit of cultural selection for their genes.

I can make this demand because I have three victim cards. I’m Asian, I’m a woman, and I identify as a pangender flux capacitor. So, if you question my demand, you’re clearly a bigot.

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