Over the last few weeks, GT has sent dozens of reporters around this wonderful country of ours to see if Americans favor the slate of Democratic Presidential Candidates. Of course, we’re pretty much down to Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden.

We first asked if people would rather have a needle stuck in their eye rather than listen to Bernie Sanders talk about evil billionaires one more time. We did find that 72 percent would prefer getting stuck in one eye, but not both.

Next, we offered limb removal or letting Joe Biden sniff you for 20 minutes. They could choose which limb and the technique for removal. This time only 61 percent of people chose limb removal but only 8 percent chose all four limbs. Interesting.

Following that, a gut-punch by a 350-pound transgender drug-addled weight-lifter was offered. Here we see that virtually 100 percent preferred a gut-punch, and most claimed that a dozen gut-punches would be OK as long as they were spaced apart. Good call.

Finally, as COVID-19 has been all over the news lately we included this on our list of offerings. We informed people that there was a 50 percent mortality rate on the ‘newest strain’. The results? 93 percent of polled individuals claimed they would rather take their chances with dying from coronavirus than be exposed to the former Vice President.

We couldn’t agree more.

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