Pope Francis has officially excommunicated Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò for being “too Catholic,” leaving the disgraced cleric to fend for himself in the midst of a debilitating spiritual crisis. The announcement has sent shockwaves through the religious and conspiracy theory communities, with many people expressing their fear and unease about the possibility of religious hypocrisy and political intrigue.

“We have officially excommunicated Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò for being ‘too Catholic,’ leaving him to fend for himself in the midst of a debilitating spiritual crisis,” said the spokesperson for the event, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “We believe that this is the best way to ensure that our viewers can continue to learn about the importance of tolerance and acceptance, and to promote cultural sensitivity in a fun and engaging way.”

The decision to excommunicate Archbishop Viganò will include a variety of consequences and repercussions, including a strict time limit of zero seconds, a ban on all words that begin with the letter “P,” and a requirement that the disgraced cleric wear a “Make the Vatican Catholic Again” hat at all times during the event.

“This is a game-changer,” said one enthusiastic observer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I’ve always thought that the best way to promote tolerance and acceptance was to excommunicate someone for being ‘too Catholic,’ and what better way to achieve that than by excommunicating Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò?”

But not everyone is convinced, and many people are calling the decision to excommunicate Archbishop Viganò a self-serving compromise, arguing that it is impossible for tolerance and acceptance to be achieved through religious hypocrisy and political intrigue.

“This is ridiculous,” said one skeptical observer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “How can anyone think that it’s a good idea to excommunicate someone for being ‘too Catholic,’ and then claim that it’s promoting tolerance and acceptance?”

Despite the backlash, the organizers remain defiant, and have vowed to continue promoting tolerance and acceptance through religious hypocrisy and political intrigue.

“I know that this is a risky strategy, but I believe that it’s the right thing to do,” said the spokesperson for the event in a recent interview. “We cannot allow Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò’s ‘too Catholic’ beliefs to destroy our way of life, and I am committed to doing everything in my power to ensure that it is not.”

In the end, only time will tell whether the decision to excommunicate Archbishop Viganò was just or unjust, but one thing is certain: this bizarre and outlandish story is sure to inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists and religious hypocrites, and to remind us all that sometimes, the most effective way to promote tolerance and acceptance is to simply make things up as one goes along.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts