Happening Near You- An anti-Christmas gathering protest is scheduled to happen near you. The protest will take place on Main Street in your town. Please arrive at noon tomorrow. This is a pro-lockdown protest and pro social distancing riot. At this time 10,000 individuals plan to participate.
Please show your devotion to our cause of protesting Christmas gatherings by bringing a picketing sign and regardless of the weather, only wearing a facial mask.
“I am responsible for this protest,” said Flip D. Lawgick, “after the success of our government -which I hate, mind you- of slowing the spread of COVID-19, I just had to do the same thing for Christmas! If you do not celebrate Christmas in gatherings of 1 or less then, well, you want people to die!”
Lawgick also sighted the highly effective social distancing policies of Gavin Newsom and Michael Hancock as inspiration for this protest.
“At first I wasn’t going to attend this protest,” said Hugh Govfodder, “but after I googled ‘pro social distancing protests near me’, I found about it!”
Police officers are not invited to this protest.
Local news and media reporters are also not invited, seeing as they are not woke enough.
“I will definitely be at this protest,” said Hunter Biden, “I am in favor of lockdowns and so is the big man! And I haven’t had my name in the news enough lately.”
Because this is a combined pro social distancing and anti-Christmas protest, no Christmas-like activities will be allowed. The following activities at the protest are banned: warming hands via fire, giving to charity, saying ‘Merry Christmas’, drinking egg nog (unless it’s vegan), and exchanging gifts -seeing as that is a pro capitalism activity. The protest organizers plan to livestream the protest via iphone.
Attendees must show that they are in favor of raising taxes in order to gain access to the protest. Loyalty to taxation will be shown by the emptying of wallets or purses upon arrival.
“I fully support this protest. It’s great what they’re doing!” said Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, “I’m glad to see young and old Americans coming to together to protest against gatherings. This is the time to use our 1st Amendment rights to show the world what an evil country we live in!”