This is a Genesius Times Public Service Announcement regarding the unprecedented coronavirus outbreak:

Until further notice, all public events in your area are cancelled. Everyone should calmly proceed to the nearest Walmart or Costco to fight everyone else over the last remaining toilet paper.

If you need any more reason to irrationally panic, please watch this video.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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