Rise in Headaches Among Investors at New York Stock Exchange Due to Shaking Their Heads Up & Down at Stock Prices All Day

NEW YORK—Doctors around the state of New York have seen an uptick in patient visits recently who’ve been complaining about getting constant headaches. After some routine exams, doctors were able to diagnose the problem.

“Investors at the stock exchange are constantly shaking their heads up and down due to fluctuating stock prices,” said Dr. Larry Coffin of Albert Einstein College of Medicine. “Shaking the head constantly throughout the day will definitely induce a headache, if not multiple headaches. We recommend standing as far back as possible and only using your eyes to scan stock prices, not your head.”


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