Shakira to sacrifice two goats in annual Illuminati halftime show

MIAMI—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl half time show, will feature an unprecedented number of allusions to the cult this year including the headliner Shakira sacrificing of two live goats.

“We thought the American viewership is especially ready for an overt sacrifice to Moloch during our annual initiation ritual,” Illuminati Director of Public Relations said in an interview.

Previous Illuminati halftime performers include Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Beyoncé.

“We’re also expanding our reach and targeting the Latino community by having two Latinas perform at the ritual,”

This year’s performers are the first that have been selected since the NFL announced a partnership with Illuminati Treasurer Jay-Z’s Roc Nation. The partnership was to help produce the entertainment at the Super Bowl and other prominent N.F.L. events and support the league’s social activism campaign, Inspire Change.