WORLD—Researchers at the National Institute of Health (NIH) published a study showing a shocking connection between killing babies in the womb and declining birth rates. The study was conducted in response to reports of worldwide declining birth rates.

“It’s really bizarre,” said one researcher who conducted the study. “Who knew that killing thousands of babies in the womb every year would contribute to declining birth rates? Who knew that you need babies to perpetuate the human race?”

“If only there were some way for us to have foreseen this, we wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.”

Even local abortion activist Emma Williams was surprised by the study. “I’ve had three abortions over the course of my life, so imagine my shock when I learn that there might be a connection between killing your own babies and declining birth rates. I hope other people see this as well, or else things don’t forebode well for humankind.”

The study also found that contrary to popular opinion, most babies are pro-life, which shocked almost everyone.

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Rafi Metz

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