BREAKING: FBI apprehends suspect of Colonial Pipeline cyberhack

WASHINGTON, DC—FBI Director Christopher Wray announce today that the FBI has apprehended their primary suspect in the Colonial Pipeline cyberhack, a 97-year-old great-grandmother and President Trump supporter Bernice McClellan.

“After a nearly deadly standoff at the Shady Acres Retirement Center, our agents were able to wrestle the vicious criminal to the ground and take her in. We got her!” Wray said at a press conference announcing the raid.

McClellan has had no history of cyberwarfare and had extensive difficulty setting up a Facebook account two years ago, but the FBI are confident that she orchestrated the attack.

“McClellan is a supporter of former President Trump and has expressed support for the rioters at the US Capitol on January 6th, so clearly, she is an insurrectionist and a threat to this country,” Wray said.

McClellan will be held in solitary confinement and be forced to listen to Rep Adam Schiff at the Trump impeachment hearings from 2020 indefinitely.

“The American people should know that we are protecting them from these vicious criminals on a daily basis,” Wray added.


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