LOS ANGELES—Shoppers have already started lining up for this year’s Black Friday deals at beaches across California. They have their floatation devices and they’re practicing their swim strokes to be able to get to the container ships that have stored their discounted merchandise for months.

Experts are saying that this Black Friday will be unlike any in the history of the US because all of the products will be stuck on container ships.

“We’re going to have all the massive savings and the usually brawls of people fighting over big-screen TVs but it’s just all going to take place in the water off the California coast,” National Black Friday Director PT Barnum said.

Discounts this year will be remarkably higher since the in-store markup won’t be included.

“Shoppers are going to make a killing this year on Black Friday. Just make sure you can swim or you have those floaties that kids wear,” Barnum said.

This Black Friday will also be the first that is referred to as “Friday of Color” as is the least racist format.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts