Natalie Portman’s role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is set to drastically expand in the next Thor sequel, as her franchise character will soon enough be the next to wield the hammer. But social justice warriors aren’t content. They’re not settling for anything less than the new Thor to be a black transgender lesbian.

“We’re sick of Hollywood not respecting our existence and killing us,” Bertrand Fauxfaux, who identifies as a demisexual pantheist iguanadon said. “This female Thor is like throwing scraps to the starving LGBTQEXPIALADOCIOUS+ community.”

Natalie Portman, for her part was willing to play any role to satisfy the SJW mob, but that didn’t seem to suffice.

“We’re not going to be happy until all characters in major motion pictures have a unique and equally pretentious racial and sexual identity! Down with the Natalie Portman Patriarchy!”

Spokespeople from Disney have stated that they thought they were doing good enough by casting all their characters as females.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts