U.S.—A new study conducted by the CDC has found that almost 70% of all office workers are currently attempting to get out of a never ending conversation with a talkative teammate.

“The whole thing started when he said, ‘Whatcha working on?’ ” said Sally Hatch, a communications specialist at an insurance company. “Then one thing led to another and now he’s been here for three hours.”

“I’ve tried looking away, putting in ear plugs, and even telling him to go stick his head in the freezer, but he just doesn’t go away, he just keeps yapping,” Ms. Hatch said.

No one is sure what the cause is, though scientists have made connections to a condition called cantshutmytrapfor15minsitis, known colloquially as reverse projectile diarrhea.

Most sufferers don’t know that they have it or the severe injury they are causing to their victims, many of whom experience sudden headaches and fatigue only to end up with psychosis and near death comma.

“I tense up every time Barb comes around,” said a computer engineer about a notorious coworker. “I honestly would rather peel off my fingernails than to listen to another word.”

When he asked his manager if there was anything he could do, his manager suggested he talk to the chatterer about the matter.

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