ST. LOUIS—In a new Pew Pew study that will surely lead to the self-immolation of thousands of social justice warriors, it has been shown that normal CIS-gendered men are actually transwomen who are also transmen and thus doubly oppressed. It turns out that the patriarchy is the most oppressed group on Earth.

“We found that if you’re not trans and you’re just a normal guy,” the report author Vans Vanderbrook said, “then you’re actually a transwoman who is a transman. You’re double trans, which makes you more oppressed than regular trans people. You’re doubly oppressed.”

This study is sure to change next year’s Victim of the Year Awards, which has recently been dominated by outright oppressors.

“People who oppressed are usually stigmatized and so they’re marginalized and we need to acknowledge that,” Vanderbrook added.

Skeptics have claimed that trans people are actually triple trans, to which Vanderbrook replied, “Well then non-trans people are actually quadruple trans.”

The study concludes that the science is now settled on the matter.

_{Originally published Sept 9, 2019}

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