WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to help the black community and save black lives, the Biden administration announced its intention today to ban menthol cigarettes and order manufacturers to provide abortions instead.

“We believe black lives matter,” Biden said at a press conference announcing the decision. “And that’s why we are outlawing the deadly flavored cigarettes that blacks love so much and we’re going to promote more abortion.”

In solidarity with the social justice movement Black Lives Matter, the new abortion mills will only abort black babies.

“Tobacco kills and—to be honest—it’s taking away Planned Parenthood’s market share. Sure, abortion kills too, but it’s health care! Don’t question it. This ban will set rebalance the death rates of blacks to where they should be,” Biden added.

In total, approximately 20 million Americans smoke menthols, according to the FDA.  

Biden ended his speech with a bold statement: “If you haven’t had three abortions, you ain’t black!”

_{Originally published May 3, 2021}

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