The Trump Administration declared a public health emergency in New York state following an outbreak of liberalism that has infected the entire region.

As part of the declaration, Trump has said that he will be detonating a 20 megaton nuclear bomb over the city in order to protect the surrounding population from the spreading infectious disease.

Under the nuking policy, members of the national Department of Health and Mental Hygiene will check the voting records of any person who may have been in contact with infected patients.

Those who have not been innoculated with a book of logic or will be forced to pay a fine of $1000.

Health officials say that liberalism is a serious but preventable disease. “One in 4 people who contract liberalism will become brain dead within a week,” HHS director Dr. Obi Wan said. “They will getting mad at you for wanting to keep the money you earned and for not calling them a sparkly unicorn like they identify as.”

“And it’s preventable by just nuking the whole damn place.”

“There’s no question that nuclear bombs are safe, effective, and life-saving,” tweeted President Trump. “We need to nuke the city to protect children, families, and communities from this horrible disease.”

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts