Twitter launches free-speech alternative called Twit

SAN FRANCISCO—Propaganda app CEO Jack “Rasputin” Dorsey has launched a new free-speech alternative to Twitter called Twit.

“I just don’t care anymore… don’t know why I did in the first place. Being ‘PC’ is absolute bullshit. It’s sort of like the Golden Rule or ‘do unto others’ or some such shit. If I want to say whateva’ I want, then why should we stop other people from doing so. I f**kin’ give up. I don’t care if you talk about how much you hate other races or beheading Trump or how bad the Lions are again this year. It’s all fair game. Who am I to judge? Maybe you should be able to murder people in their sleep. Does science back that up? Maybe… I’m not a ‘test tube tubby’, I’m a ‘techy nurd’… what do I know? I know what vanilla ice cream taste like. That’s it!”

Twit’s new logo, the turkey, is uncannily appropriate as subscribers will be able to sign up on Thanksgiving. Just go on to the FBI website and give them your information to get your handle. That idea came from Adam Schiff, the head of the House Intelligence committee. “Because who could keep your password more secure then the same people who guard our elections.”