US—American workers experienced a surge in productivity not seen since the invention of the coffee break, as Facebook mysteriously went offline for a record-breaking 2 hours today. The unexpected disconnection left millions of workers scrambling for something to do, prompting them to actually, gasp, work!

Reports of increased productivity have been pouring in from all corners of the nation, with employees from various sectors claiming to have completed tasks they had been putting off for weeks.

“I never thought I’d see the day,” said Sally Trollface, an office worker from New York. “I was able to finish my report in half the time it usually takes me when I’m trolling conservative Facebook pages. It’s like a miracle happened, though I don’t believe in miracles.”

Social media experts speculate that the temporary absence of Facebook may have caused individuals to reevaluate their priorities, shifting their focus from endless scrolling to actual productivity.

“It’s almost as if people remembered they had important things to do,” said Dr. Karen Smith, a leading expert in social media behavior. “It’s quite fascinating to see how the lack of access to Facebook can have such a profound effect on people’s ability to get things done.”

However, the sudden increase in productivity was not without its drawbacks. Many companies reported a sharp decline in employee morale, as workers struggled to cope with the sudden influx of tasks and responsibilities.

“I felt like I was being punished for something,” said John Doe, a software engineer from San Francisco. “It was like they took away my only escape and left me with nothing but work to do.”

Despite the temporary setback, productivity levels returned to normal once Facebook was restored, leaving users to ponder the fleeting nature of their newfound efficiency.

In a statement, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg acknowledged the temporary disruption but assured users that they were working tirelessly to ensure such an event would not happen again.

“We understand the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between work and play,” said Zuckerberg. “Rest assured, we will continue to provide the best possible platform for users to waste time and procrastinate on their responsibilities.”

As the nation slowly recovers from the Great Facebook Outage, one thing is for certain: the brief glimpse of a more productive America has left many wondering what could have been.

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