VP Harris freezes during speech: media calls it “breathtaking.”

DETROIT—Vice President Kamala Harris froze for almost 30 minutes during a speech at a Detroit manufacturing plant last night, prompting media experts to call it a “breathtaking moment for women of color.”

Harris was saying something about “conveyor belts and stuff” when the freeze occurred, prompting many of those present to suspect she had seen the moon above them, which was full.

CNN reporter Stelter Anderson interrupted with a question during the first five minutes of the awkward half-hour of complete silence: “Have you seen the moon above us and are you thinking about how incredible it will be when young children can actually see it with their own eyes? Their own eyes!”

One of Harris’ aides intervened, saying she had no comment about the “moon” or “eyes.”

Later, when Harris appeared to snap out of the bizarre-but-powerfully-diverse trance, she continued her speech: “What I want to convey to you all is that conveyor belts make factories convey what they need to make things work in the rust belt of our communities, which are about conveying hope to young children, who wear belts to keep their pants up and also in cars, with seats. Oh, look, is that a full moon?”

Harris’ “frozen moment” drew praise from across the media landscape, with some commentators calling it “the 30 minutes of silence that changed us all.”

“She said a million things by basically saying nothing,” said MSNBC host Nicolle Wallace. “It gave us time to reflect on our own failings, as a people and as a network. Who knew she could be so graceful without words?”

President Joe Biden said he was humbled when he saw an edited five-second version of the moment. “She’s tapping into something that only true leaders can,” he said from a poorly-erected deckchair on a random beach. “I’ve done it many times, sometimes for up to three hours.”

Climate activist Dee Shallow said the Vice President had brought much-needed attention to the moon and shifting tides, both of which had “lots of stuff to do with hurricanes, student debt and inflation.” “What she’s done, by staying silent and staring at the full moon for a full 30 minutes, is to quietly condemn all those people boiling eggs on a gas stove who weren’t privileged enough to get into university.”


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