FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump
In a move that has left theologians and conspiracy theorists equally bewildered, the FBI has announced an investigation into the...
Month: July 2024
BREAKING: Trump hires Rooftop Koreans to beef up security after Secret Service failure
In a bold and unexpected move, former President Donald Trump has announced the hiring of the famed "Rooftop Koreans" to...
BREAKING: Trump indicted for interfering with an official CIA assassination of him
BUTLER, PA—Former President Donald Trump has been indicted for interfering with an official CIA assassination attempt on his life. The...
Biden scrambles to find new VP after hearing about assassination attempt on Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a whirlwind of confusion and panic, President Joe Biden is reportedly scrambling to find a new...
BREAKING: Trump indicted for killing would be assassin
BUTLER, PA—Former President Donald Trump has been indicted yet again, this time for the actions of his Secret Service detail....
BREAKING CNN: Trump speech interrupted by mostly peaceful assassination attempt
Former President Donald Trump rudely cut his speech at his Butler, Pennsylvania rally short after some people said they heard popping...
BREAKING: Project 2025 will provide every Trump supporter with laser-shooting velociraptors
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts and citizens alike in a state of euphoric disbelief, the...
BREAKING: Biden says his confusing Zelensky for Putin will not hurt his chances of beating Nixon in November
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a recent press conference, President Joe Biden assured the nation that his recent confusion between Ukrainian...
John Deere changes its name to John Queere
In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, John Deere, the iconic American agricultural machinery manufacturer, has officially changed its...
Gretchen Whitmer sports new name (Whitler) and mustache as she forms one-party dictatorship in Michigan
LANSING, MI—In a stunning display of political innovation and fashion-forward thinking, Governor Gretchen Whitmer has announced her transformation into "Whitler,"...
