After Backlash, Cracker Barrel Reverts to ‘Old-Timer’ Logo, Slaps Sydney Sweeney on for Good Measure
In a move that screams “we hear you, but also, please look at this shiny distraction,” Cracker Barrel Old Country...
Year: 2025
Illegal Alien Who Killed 3 in Illegal U-Turn in Florida Surges to Top of 2028 Democratic Presidential Polls
In a plot twist that reads like a rejected Hollywood script, Harjinder Singh, an undocumented immigrant who scored a California...
BREAKING: Sadiq Khan Bans Assault Bacon in London, Declares City ‘Safe for Muslims’
LONDON—Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced a city-wide ban on "assault bacon," declaring it a public safety hazard and a bold...
Gavin Newsom Unveils New Gerrymandered California Map in Response to Texas Redistricting
SACRAMENTO—In what experts are calling “an ambitious and geographically aggressive” countermeasure, California Governor Gavin Newsom today unveiled a newly drawn...
Experts blame climate change for making them use cloud-seeding tech to cause massive flooding throughout US
NEW YORK—Government officials have blamed climate change for making them use cloud-seeding technology to cause massive flooding throughout the United...
BREAKING: Trump buys Ukraine, renames it ‘MyKraine’ in unprecedented peace deal
ALASKA—In what international analysts are calling “either the boldest diplomatic breakthrough of the century or a high-profile real estate closing,”...
If you don’t want to be raped or murdered in your city, you’re probably a Nazi
In these perilous times, when the siren song of “safety” lures the unwary toward authoritarianism, a chilling trend has emerged:...
BREAKING: Trump orders nuclear strike on DNC headquarters in effort to ‘clean up DC’
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented and shocking move, President Donald Trump authorized a low-yield nuclear strike on the Democratic National Committee...
MLB: First Female Ump Grounds The Cubs For Messy Dugout
CHICAGO—MLB’s first female umpire, Jen “Iron Mom” Pawol, brought Wrigley Field to a screeching halt during yesterday’s Chicago Cubs game...
CNN: Trump Poised to Invade Washington DC in Alarming Escalation
In what experts are calling “the most dangerous moment in American history since the last time Trump was president,” Donald...
