Year: 2026

Sources have informed Trump that the Federal Reserve is just 2 weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon

Jeremy Spoken March 3, 2026 0

WASHINGTON, DC—Sources for Genesius Times have confirmed that the Federal Reserve is a mere two weeks from completing a fully...

BREAKING: Khamenei meets 72 virgins after he dies

Jeremy Spoken March 2, 2026 0

TEHRAN—In a development sources close to paradise are calling “mildly disappointing yet entirely predictable,” former Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei...

BREAKING: Federal Judge overturns the killing of Iranian Ayatollah Khamenei

Exavier Saskagoochie March 2, 2026 0

In a ruling that has left both the Pentagon and Tehran simultaneously relieved and mildly embarrassed, U.S. District Judge Hugh...

BREAKING: France Joins US-Iran War; Immediately Surrenders to Both Sides

Exavier Saskagoochie March 1, 2026 0

PARIS — Citing “a rare moment of bipartisan exhaustion” in global affairs, France has formally declared itself a co-belligerent in...

BREAKING: Senator Lindsey Graham hospitalized with prolonged erection after US bombs Iran

Exavier Saskagoochie March 1, 2026 0

WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was rushed to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center late last night after suffering what...

Ilhan Omar Condemns Trump’s Iran Strikes as ‘Racist Against Terrorists’

Exavier Saskagoochie March 1, 2026 0

MINNEAPOLIS — In a blistering floor speech that lasted exactly as long as the average commercial break, Rep. Ilhan Omar...

BREAKING: Minnesota Just Weeks Away from Developing Nuclear Weapon, Sources Say

Exavier Saskagoochie February 28, 2026 0

ST. PAUL, Minn. — Intelligence officials confirmed today that Minnesota is mere weeks—possibly days—from achieving a fully operational nuclear weapon,...