BREAKING: MSNBC offers Melania Rachel Maddow’s spot if Donald drops out of the race
MSNBC calls it a ‘win-win’, an off season trade, ‘in with the new, out with the old’. No matter how many ways you describe it, the news outlets researchers have concluded that their 8 to 99 year old, men’s demographics would improve roughly ‘a gazillion’ percent with Melania Trump hosting that prime time slut, um, sorry… slot.
Studio spokesperson, Stud Trickles explains, “The men’s demographic is much different than the women’s. It’s a totally different absorption process. When men watch Rachel Maddow, they are usually doing it while cooking or doing ‘woman type’ things… maybe watching Hello Dolly or looking through a Victoria’s Secret catalog. We feel that if we could get Melania, that’s how we refer to her now around here, just one name… Melania… like Beyoncé. If we could get her, we feel the men watching would be doing totally different kind of things. You know… happy, feel good things that would make them view our network differently. There is precedent. The news show, Pornhub, enjoyed a large increase in their ratings when they switched to ‘more appealing’ anchors.
“Right now, the offer is on the table that President Trump would stand down. Resign. However, and I don’t want this getting out, that is just our starting position. Management has let it leak that he actually would not have to stand down. He wouldn’t have to do anything. Okay, the scuttlebutt – the bottom line; they would trade Rachel for Melania, give free Trump campaign ads till the election, 100% positive coverage, fire Joe, what’s his name, and even and throw in 14% station ownership… but Melania would have to agree to continue to dress awesome like she always does and show up for work on time.
“You can do what you will with Rachel. She brags about needlepoint, so maybe there is something there? If push comes to shove, MSNBC is also willing to change their call sign to MSDJT.
“We just got the offer to Melania this morning and have not heard back yet, but our fingers are crossed… much like Maddow’s legs and her pre-morning coffee disposition.
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