President Donald Trump has cancelled the national holiday April Fool’s Day due to severe competition from the ridiculousness of reality.
“Along with everything else being cancelled due to a bad cold, the president has decided to cancel April Fools day as well,” Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said. “No made up prank or fake news can compare to the unbelievable crap that’s happening in the real world right now.”
Trump has also discontinued all satire websites because it is increasingly difficult to write more absurd stuff than what’s actually going on.
“You have fascists calling themselves anti-fascists, entire populations brainwashed into thinking a man can get pregnant, a damn muppet in Congress who wants to ban cow farts,” political analyst Taco Jones said. “Go home reality, you’re drunk!”
Reality summed up in the latest fashion:
Others, like Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have defended the holiday. “We need to celebrate the fools of the world and not let their legacy go unnoticed!”
Originally published 4/1/19