WASHINGTON, DC—If there’s anyone in more dire need right now of staying relevant for as long as possible, it’s Dr. Fauci. From one TV appearance to the next, it’s an endless train of interviews that are meant to prop up the ego of whatever’s left of the old doc.

And Dr. Fauci has found a way to do just that. According to reports, Fauci has been collaborating with world renowned supervillain Bill Gates other epidemiologists to create and release more viruses on the world so he’ll never lose his TV gig and stay relevant forever.

“I’m really a genius of a doctor,” Fauci said, congratulating himself on CBS News for the 10,000^th time. “At first I was like, ‘Oh wait, what will happen to my 5 minutes of fame when this is all over?’ I needed to do something to keep myself in the spotlight for as long as possible. And now I discovered a way. Wait until you see the coming coronavirus – it’ll pale in comparison to the current one.”

Health experts predict the coming virus will be called “COVID-80” in honor of Dr. Fauci.

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Rafi Metz

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