WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden says that the FBI now has enough evidence to indict Trump on charges of misdemeanor malarkey.

“There is overwhelming evidence of malarkey going on at the Mar-a-Lago estate and if anyone doubts that, I challenge them to some pushups,” Biden said in a press conference before catching COVID for the fourth time in three weeks.

There is no penalty for malarkey under current federal law, but Biden operatives plan on changing that.

“We’re going to sign an executive order to rid the country of malarkey and I mean that!” Biden said.

Biden’s administration has come down hard on malarkey, fulfilling one of his major campaign promises.

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