BREAKING: Iranian Army Marches Across Southern U.S. Border, Claiming Asylum
US BORDER—An unexpected group has joined the ranks of asylum-seekers at the southern U.S. border – none other than the Iranian Army. Sources report that a battalion of Iranian soldiers decided to trade their military boots for asylum shoes, embarking on a leisurely march across the border into the land of the free.
Wearing uniforms adorned with patches that read “Asylum Seeker” and “No More Sandstorms, Please,” the Iranian Army made their way across the Rio Grande, waving at Border Patrol agents as if they were marching in a holiday parade. Their leader, General Hassan Wanderlusti, explained their unexpected journey at a makeshift press conference under a saguaro cactus.
DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas has assured the country that they are no threat to anyone.
“Back home, it was all desert, sandstorms, and endless drills,” said General Wanderlusti. “We’ve heard the U.S. offers green pastures, fast food, and a chance to binge-watch Netflix without disruptions. Who wouldn’t want a piece of that asylum action?”
The soldiers, armed with backpacks filled with sunscreen and maps of the nearest Taco Bell locations, seemed uninterested in causing any trouble. Instead, they enthusiastically handed out resumes and requested job applications, stating their willingness to contribute to the great American melting pot.
U.S. officials were left scratching their heads, unsure of how to respond to this unconventional asylum claim. “This is a first for us,” admitted Border Patrol agent Sandra Frontier. “Usually, we deal with individuals or families seeking refuge, not entire armies. We might need to update our training manuals for this one.”
As the Iranian Army continued their march, some locals reportedly offered them sun hats and bottled water, welcoming them to the quirky world of American border politics. Social media erupted with memes featuring the Iranian soldiers asking for asylum, each one more creative than the last.
Only time will tell how this unusual episode will play out, but for now, the Iranian Army seems content strolling across the southern U.S. border, in pursuit of the American Dream – and perhaps some tacos along the way.
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