Democrats stunned to learn that hatred of Trump can’t buy groceries or gas
Democratic voters nationwide are coming to the grim realization that seething hatred for Donald Trump isn’t an acceptable form of currency at supermarkets or gas stations. Despite four years of honing their disdain for the former president, many now find themselves unable to convert rage into essential goods.
“I really thought it would carry more weight,” said one frustrated shopper in San Francisco. “I mean, I marched. I retweeted every anti-Trump meme. I even put three ‘Coexist’ stickers on my Prius. But when I tried to pay for $20 liter of oat milk with Trump-hate, the cashier just stared at me.”
Another voter, Sophia Whitman, recounted her experience at a gas station. “I told the clerk, ‘I hate Trump more than anyone you know.’ I even threw in a bit about democracy being at stake. But he just said, ‘That’ll be $4.89 a gallon.’ Like, what do these people even care about?”
Social media platforms are flooded with similar complaints. One user posted: “Just tried to fill my tank using nothing but moral superiority. Turns out it doesn’t even get you half a gallon of premium.”
Political strategists are now scrambling to address what some are calling the “post-Trump economy” problem. “We built an entire movement on the promise that hating Trump would be enough,” admitted a senior DNC operative. “Turns out, you still need a job to buy avocados.”
Some Democrats have proposed federal programs to monetize outrage. “If we could establish a Hate-to-Energy pipeline,” suggested Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, “we could harness millions of angry tweets and power half the country’s EVs.”A
Meanwhile, others are encouraging citizens to remain patient, reminding them that good things take time. “Sure, it’s hard right now,” said one White House official. “But in the long run, your gas tank will feel full knowing you’re on the right side of history.”
When asked for comment, President* Biden gave a reassuring message: “Look, folks—when you think about it, the price of gas is just, uh, it’s like the soul of the country. And as long as Trump doesn’t win, we’re all winners, right?”
Kamala Harris also weighed in with her trademark insight: “The thing about groceries and gas is that, well, people need them. And if they didn’t need them, they wouldn’t want them. That’s what’s important.”
Until the hate economy becomes viable, citizens are left with few options. “It looks like I might have to get a job,” said one disappointed protester. “But I think I’ll wait and see if hating DeSantis starts paying dividends.”
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