NEW YORK—New York City’s iconic Statue of Liberty has been draped in a colossal burka following the election of the city’s first communist Muslim mayor, Zohran Mamdani. The 305-foot statue, once a beacon of freedom, now sports a flowing, sea-green polyester veil, complete with a mesh eye slit for “cultural sensitivity and historical recontextualization,” according to City Hall’s press release.

Mayor Mamdani, who campaigned on a platform of “redistributing vibes and decolonizing everything,” declared the redesign a triumph of inclusivity. “The Statue of Liberty was a symbol of capitalist oppression and Western chauvinism,” she said at a press conference in Battery Park, flanked by a mural of Karl Marx in a keffiyeh. “Now, she’s a symbol of modesty, equity, and the global proletariat. Plus, she’s serving looks.”

The makeover, which cost taxpayers an estimated $47 million (partially funded by a GoFundMe titled “Cover Up Colonialism”), required 12 industrial cranes, 400 seamstresses, and a team of consultants from the newly formed Department of Revolutionary Aesthetics. The burka, crafted from recycled yoga mats and sustainably sourced hemp, features embroidered slogans like “Smash the Patriarchy” and “Seize the Means of Torch Production.” Critics, however, have pointed out that the statue’s iconic torch is now barely visible, peeking out like a shy flashlight under a blanket.

Public reaction has been predictably polarized. “It’s a disgrace!” shouted Vinny “The Hot Dog Guy” Russo, waving a half-eaten knish at a protest in Times Square. “First, they cancel pepperoni pizza for being ‘culturally insensitive,’ now this? What’s next, renaming the Empire State Building the People’s Glorious Concrete Cube?” Meanwhile, supporters like local barista and part-time TikTok philosopher Zephyr Moonbeam hailed the change as “a slay moment for intersectionality.” Moonbeam’s viral video, captioned “Lady Lib in her modest era ,” has garnered 3.2 million likes.

The redesign has also sparked logistical headaches. Tourists, expecting the statue’s classic Grecian gown, have been baffled by the new look. “I came all the way from Ohio to see freedom, not a giant bedsheet,” grumbled retiree Karen Thompson, clutching a “I heart NY” mug. Ferry operators report a 30% drop in ticket sales, though a new “Burka Liberty” souvenir line—featuring hijab-wearing bobbleheads and “Decolonize Your Harbor” T-shirts—is reportedly selling briskly.

Not everyone in Mamdani’s staff is thrilled. An anonymous City Council source leaked that the mayor initially proposed replacing the statue entirely with a 300-foot bronze bust of Che Guevara in a thobe, but the plan was scrapped due to budget constraints and a lack of qualified sculptors willing to work for “revolutionary gratitude” instead of pay. Another rumored idea—turning Liberty Island into a “people’s quinoa farm”—was vetoed after environmentalists warned it would disrupt local seagull migration patterns.

As for Lady Liberty herself, she remains silent, her copper face obscured behind her new attire. Some New Yorkers, ever the pragmatists, have already moved on. “Burka, no burka, whatever,” shrugged cabbie Mohammed Khan, stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. “She’s still greener than my ex’s jealousy.”

Whether the burka-clad statue will endure or be torn down by the next administration remains to be seen. For now, New Yorkers are left with a skyline that’s a little less torch-lit and a lot more… draped.

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