After exhaustive search, Kamala Harris finally finds a university willing to host her new policy center
After an epic, coast-to-coast hunt for the perfect academic perch, former Vice President Kamala Harris has finally secured a home for her visionary Kamala Harris Institute of Policy & Ideas. The L.A. School of Bartending, a hallowed institution tucked between a pawn shop and a taco truck in a sun-bleached strip mall, has boldly stepped up to host the initiative. The news has sparked a frenzy of excitement, with political wonks and mixologists alike hailing it as a “stirring blend of ideas and ice.”
“This place just gets it,” Harris proclaimed at a press event in the institute’s new headquarters, formerly the school’s Rum Runner Rec Room. “I walked in, saw the neon ‘Margarita Monday’ sign, and knew this was where big ideas could flourish. Plus, their espresso martini is a total game-changer.”
The L.A. School of Bartending, established in 1973 by a mysterious figure known only as “Captain” Ron, has long been a powerhouse in the art of cocktail craft. Its revered courses, like “From Tom Collins to TikTok: The Evolution of Trends” and “Advanced Olive Placement,” will now share space with Harris’ institute, which promises to shake up the policy world. The institute’s seminars will tackle weighty topics such as “Paloma Plans: Immigration Reform with a Citrus Twist” and “Gig Economy Jiggers: Pouring Opportunity for All.”
Skeptics initially questioned whether a bartending school could handle the gravitas of Harris’ intellectual ambitions. Those doubts were swiftly dispelled when the school unveiled its “Kamala Kolloquium,” a fusion of policy debates and drink-making workshops. “You don’t truly grasp tax reform until you’ve argued it while rimming a glass with salt,” said program coordinator Brittany “Sazerac” Lopez. “It’s all about precision—policy or piña colada.”
Harris’ quest for a host wasn’t all smooth sipping. Elite universities like Stanford, Princeton, and DeVry reportedly declined to partner, citing “space issues” or, in one case, “an urgent need to focus on our new Institute of Meme Studies.” Undaunted, Harris forged ahead, discovering the L.A. School of Bartending during a 2 a.m. search for “vibes-based think tanks with flair.”
The institute’s marquee program, the “Idea Infusion Series,” will tackle national challenges through rapid-fire policy pitches, each paired with a bespoke cocktail. “Think of it as a think tank with a twist—literally,” Harris said, chuckling so heartily the room’s paper umbrellas quivered. Upcoming sessions include “Mojito Metrics: Measuring Economic Growth with Mint” and “Climate Cosmos: Saving the Planet, One Sip at a Time.”
Not everyone’s raising a glass to the news. Right-wing commentators have slammed the institute as “a glorified happy hour,” with one X post sniping, “Kamala’s turning policy into a karaoke night!” Progressive critics, meanwhile, fret that the focus on “aesthetic ideas” might dilute real progress. “I love a vibe as much as the next person,” posted @PolicyOnTheRocks, “but we need more than a think tank serving mai tais at a fundraiser.”
Harris, ever buoyant, brushes off the naysayers. “Policy’s like a good cocktail—complex, layered, and sometimes you spill a little,” she said, her megawatt smile practically igniting the tiki torches. “Here, we’re mixing solutions with soul.”
The Kamala Harris Institute of Policy & Ideas opens next month with a launch party featuring a live band, a signature “Kackle-tini” cocktail, and a keynote called “Why Not Us? Dreaming Big with Bubbles and Bold Plans.” Admission is free, but bring your own shaker—and an open mind.
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