America’s most powerful woman says racism stopped her from becoming America’s most powerful woman

There is just so much we can learn from Oprah Winfrey. GT’s Oprah reporter, Lily Lillehammer, has been following her around for a few months and realized virtually everything she says is a pearl of wisdom which should be taught in special “Oprah Schools” designed for People of Non-Color.

The first example is the term “First Degree Racism”. This is a special ‘Oprahism’ designed specifically for PONC (people of non-color). The term refers to the phenomenon of waking up every morning and not realizing you are a racist, going about your day not thinking about racism, eating dinner with your family every night and not talking about race, going to bed after reading a few Bible passages that did not mention anything about race, and finally begin dreaming of racial harmony and peace. We understand Oprah is building dozens of ‘re-education camps’ for these horrible people.

Then there is the episode on one of her podcasts called “Uncomfortable conversations with a Black Man”. Here she explains “Every single white person is a racist. White people are literally covered in racism and to prove it here at the ‘Oprah Institute for Racial Equality’ we have kidnapped dozens of suburban whites and skinned them alive. Guess what! Without their racist skin they literally die within minutes. What more proof do you need?”

The Oprah eventually gets around to recognizing the American Caste System which was designed by the founders of this deeply racist nation to make sure that black people are born into poverty and kept there until their demise. When asked about her wealth and billionaire status she explained, “I crush everyone I need to. I have destroyed hundreds of white people, killed as many as I can, kicked more than a few puppies, and through unmitigated greed and malevolence managed to steal my way to the top using the ‘Ellen DeGeneres model’ of appearing nice in front of the camera and a spiteful bitch when off. You got a problem with that you fu^kin’ moron?”

After following The Oprah around we are sorry to see our crack Oprah reporter Lily Lillehammer leave. Why you may ask? She quoted Michelle McNamara: “After being with Oprah I now have a scream permanently lodged in the back of my throat.”