WASHINGTON, DC—Amid record skyrocketing inflation, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre suggested a few things to help them through the difficult financial times.

“The first thing you should do with all this inflation is stop being so poor,” Jean-Pierre said at her daily press conference. “It’s not the president’s fault you’re not richer.”

The recommendation follows a similar recommendation by the Biden Administration Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg for people who can’t afford high gas prices to buy a horse and buggy.

“It’s not rocket science,” Jean-Pierre said, “just become rich and then inflation won’t affect you as much.”

Jean-Pierre has several other suggestions to help survive high inflation:

1. Put more money in your bank account
2. Become a millionaire by condemning income inequality
3. Get richer
4. Stop being so poor
5. Vote for the same people who are raising inflation

Jean-Pierre expects all of you peasants to be richer the next time she sees you.

_{Originally published March 19, 2022.}

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts