AOC: ‘I was almost just killed by an economics textbook’

NEW YORK CITY—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) recounted today on Twitter a very disturbing experience she had recently. AOC said she was browsing through some books at a local bookstore when she chanced upon an economics textbook – and that’s when all hell broke loose.

“So, like I was innocently browsing through some books and I like accidentally encountered this strange-looking book called an economics textbook,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “I opened the book and that’s when all hell broke loose – because suddenly out of nowhere, I’m being bombarded with a barrage of economic theories from scarcity to supply and demand, to inflation, to free trade, and they’re attacking me endlessly. I was horrified, fearing for my life.”

“But thankfully Bernie Sanders happened to pass by and noticed all the commotion, so he threw like 15 copies of the Communist Manifesto at the economics textbooks, and the attacks finally subsided. If it wasn’t for Bernie’s quick and decisive thinking, I wouldn’t be here today telling my story.”

Sen. Bernie Sanders commented on the story in a press release. “I appreciate the shout-out from my esteemed colleague Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. But I’m not the one who actually saved her. When all of the workers of the world unite and we channel our inner-proletariat, we can accomplish almost anything.”

After hearing AOC’s story, Sen. Ted Cruz mailed her a copy of Economics for Dummies.