Fans Thank Pope As Beer Cooler Ice Remains Unmelted After ‘Ice Blessing’
VATICAN CITY – In a move hailed as the greatest papal intervention since the invention of the fish fry, Pope...
Robert L. Peters, Jr.
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Ball State Cancels Entire Health Department After Director’s Failed Results
MUNCIE, IN — In a move that has left academics and alumni scratching their heads, Ball State University has abruptly...
To Avoid Prosecution, Killer’s ‘Furry’ Roomie Agrees To Be Spay & Neutered
SALT LAKE CITY, UT —A self-identified transgender “furry” has agreed to undergo spaying and neutering to avoid prosecution for harboring...
Brave NC Judge Sentences Knife To Life In The Utensil Drawer
CHARLOTTE, NC — Judge Teresa Stokes has sentenced a knife to life imprisonment without parole in a utensil drawer. The...
New WNBA Fans Grow Frustrated Waiting For Next Dildo Toss
The WNBA is basking in a wave of new fans, but not all are thrilled with the league’s pacing. Oran...
BREAKING: Kilmar Garcia Released From Prison To Find Cure For Cancer
ANNAPOLIS, MD—Kilmar Garcia, a Maryland man previously incarcerated for unspecified charges, was released from prison this week to pursue his...
MLB: First Female Ump Grounds The Cubs For Messy Dugout
CHICAGO—MLB’s first female umpire, Jen “Iron Mom” Pawol, brought Wrigley Field to a screeching halt during yesterday’s Chicago Cubs game...
BREAKING: Robert Mueller Surges in 2028 Democratic Polls After Admitting He Has Dementia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a plot twist that has left political pundits checking their calendars for April Fools’ Day, former...
Bongino Blinks “EPSTEIN DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF” In Morse Code During TV Interview
Conservative commentator Dan Bongino has sent shockwaves through the conspiracy community after allegedly blinking “EPSTEIN DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF” in Morse...
Senator Tillis Delivers Fiery CNN Audition Tape
In a performance that had cable news executives scrambling for their contracts, North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis unleashed a red-hot...
